Men, Women and Honesty

I had an interesting conversation with a girlfriend of mine the other day, about men and honesty. My friend and I have come a long way from being young and dumb. And as a footnote, we are no where near what society would refer to ad “old”. We are young; we’re now approaching 30! So I guess you can say we’re a bit ahead of our time.

We began our conversation with her talking about a young man she was seeing. They’ve been talking for a few months now and hung out a couple times. One evening she called asking if he wanted to hang out, since she had some free time. He awkwardly told her that he’s “with some friends”. Sounds harmless; right? Not quite. She goes on to tell me that she’s been on the phone with him while he’s been with his friends before, and needless to say his tone wasn’t “awkward”. We begin to chuckle because this was familiar territory; it’s so obvious he was with a girl (who was probably eyeballing him for answering his phone). She concluded that she wasn’t going to waste the little time she had, investigating the matter like she would’ve in the past. Instead she shrugged it off and decided if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.

“Isn’t it great when we can see the signs right away?” I asked her. She agreed. What we found funny was the excuse used to explain why he couldn’t see her. I know men reading this are going to get up in arms about this, but before you do, let me explain. Not all women expect men to tell the truth outright. What woman appreciates a man telling her the reason he can’t see her is because he’s with another woman? However there are ways of stretching the truth and everyone should learn how to do so when necessary. In this situation he could simply have said that he was busy, and doesn’t think they can get together; an ambiguous answer where the other person can decide the meaning of “busy”. Here are some helpful tips for men and women on coping with honesty or lack thereof:

Men

Be aware of the questions that are being asked. I don’t recall the last time I asked my boyfriend if I looked good, fat, ugly and the list goes on, in an outfit. Shouldn’t it be more important how I feel and that I actually like what I have on? Men I know you love us, so no matter what we put on we’ll always look great. But if you are faced with this infamous question, turn the tables on your lady and ask her how she feels about the outfit? If she makes a face or asks why are you turning the question around, tell her it’s because you want her to feel comfortable in what she’s wearing and that you honestly cannot make that decision for her. And the truth is YOU CAN’T! Many women ask what I call a “catch 22 question” where no matter the answer you give, it will be wrong. And the reason they ask, is because they are caught in a place of indecision and are looking for a second opinion. Sometimes we don’t like the second opinion we get from our men, so we get upset. What is the result? We leave our mates confused and a bit dejected. So men, I would like to apologize on behalf of the female gender for our many confusing antics, but in a small way it’s what makes us special. I can assure you not all of us are like this; some of us grow out of it. Keep your heads up.

Ladies

Learn to field your questions in a more productive way. STOP!!! Stop asking direct questions to which you may not like the answer. Using the example above; why ask the question if the assumption is he’ll lie to you to make you happy. Pay attention to what he’s trying to do; make you happy! So don’t get mad at him for trying. If you are dissatisfied with his answer, then take two seconds to think what the real problem is; could it be your mood at the moment? Hey, I get pms too! I have bad days, but its no reason to take it out on the one person that cares about you. Remember that your man’s main concern is to make sure you have a smile on your face at all times. Do him (and yourself) a favor and help him out; stop making it so hard for him. You need to understand that men approach problem-solving differently. I think that is something we consider, instead of getting upset.

In closing, I would like to say that honesty is relative. I compare it to happiness; we say we want it, but we can’t necessarily put our finger on it and how we want to receive it. We do what we can until we get to the next plateau. Once we’ve reached that plateau, we enjoy it for the moment, and then we re-assess. All I can say is that we do the best with what we got, and enjoy the gifts that are given to us.

Shamira

If you have a story to share or a topic you'd like me to write in my next post, feel free to email me: thaluvchild@gmail.com