What are Men & Women Thinking? Part 1

Reality vs. Illusion

This topic never ceases to amaze me; sometimes it makes me laugh and other times it sends me fuming. It’s said, in general, that the male ego is huge yet very fragile. I call the male ego a paradox; as “huge” as it is, when denied, falls apart. I’m not here to bash anyone, but to better understand the psyche (men in particular).

I draw upon a classic situation of lovers vs. friends. It’s been frequently asked “Can men and women be friends with no physical intimacy?” Many of those I asked have mixed responses. What do I think? I think it can be done, WITH a solid game plan. In my opinion a solid game plan has a lot to do with timing and above all else, honesty. We also need to learn to be good losers or practice patience, if the main goal is of a romantic nature. Here is a current situation one of my friends is involved in:


Julia and Robert have known each other for many years and share many mutual friends. But even with that notion, they only considered each other as acquaintances. One day Julia receives an email from her Myspace account. Robert had sent her a friend request as well as a message, asking to if they could get to know each other. After weeks of learning tidbits about each other, they discovered that they had a mutual interest in corporate advertising. Julia was eager to get back into the workforce and advertising is where her heart is. Robert is part of the marketing department in his company and suggested that consider them in her hunt; they were currently looking for a Jr. Advertising rep. He even took a step further in saying that he could organize an interview for her, if she was interested. After some deliberation, she emailed Robert expressing her interest and asked what would she need to do (forwarding CV, line up possible references, etc).

It’s been several days since she sent of that email, when Julia called me fuming. I listened closely and with an empathetic ear. When she finished, I explained to her that it only had been a few days, but I do understand her frustration. However, Julia told me something that set off a small alarm in my head; he did contact her on MSN to chat. There was no mention of the job or if he spoke with HR. It was at this point that she decided to block him for a while, to figure out what was going on. I asked her to keep me posted on any new developments that occur. Certain things need to be considered here: first, men and women’s memory bank don’t work in the same way. What we all value as important, differs greatly between the sexes. I told Julia that it’s very possible that he simply forgot, and sitting there fuming about it won’t solve anything. Second, men’s approach to women is initially physical. Women don’t deny the physical, but are more in tune with the emotional needs a man can provide her. I didn’t need to explain to Julia that Robert may be physically attracted to her; I think she found that out on her own. What I did need to tell her is to be patient. If, after a week, she hasn’t heard from Robert about the job, she can do one of two things: asked him if he’s received her email or drop the whole thing altogether. I told her "if it were me, I’d drop it; Be a good loser.”

Being a good loser sounds like an oxymoron on paper, but it’s vital when dealing with things that are beyond your control. Examining Julia’s situation, both her and Robert want different things. Julia would like to get back into the flow of things and Robert may possibly be ready to date. I must say that Robert’s game plan had not been proof-read and quite frankly question how he still has a job as an advertiser! Will Robert eventually find the courage to ask Julia out and get some of his feelings out in the open? Will Julia finally land the job that she’s looking for and be able to maintain communications with Robert? Only time will tell how this situation will play out. Being honest can save a lot of wasted time and energy. In the end I hope that Robert and Julia can be completely honest with each other.

Stay tuned…

Note: names have been changed to protect the individual’s identity.

Shamira


Do you have a story to share or a topic you'd like me to write in my next post? Feel free to email me: thaluvchild@gmail.com